Learning --still

Yesterday was a terrible, awful, no good, very bad day- I  had had a wonderful week visiting w/ my son who just returned home after two years  on a mission but --Wednesday afternoon was different
It marked six weeks that my mom had died.-- I was sad---- not because I would have her come back because I wouldn't  bring her back to her pain ......I just would like to say  a few things to her and have some of  the routine ........visiting her  back--- to appreciate it--- instead of whine about it --and .............I behaved out of Character for me --  I let three different people know I was upset instead of turning the other cheek -- It is not very satisfying ...... then .........I was tearful and needy - my Husband has been  out of town for  four days and he is such a great equalizer for me --I forget  that when he is not here for me to use as a buffer I need to be ever more vigilant----I AM learning though (if even through trial and error) and need to listen to the little prompts they always help me ...when I listen