Ruby Tuesday

One year ago today

One year ago today my life changed because my Mom passed from pain to heaven I am gratefl she is not in pain == I miss her laugh and caring for her - I miss having a Mom  ==This year I have had the sensation of :the buck stops here - like I should know more do more be ///Wise??/ now that I am the eldest female in my own family (I do have lots of older sisters) but I found that sensation an odd part of the grief I  have been dealing  with  this past year == I know the rest of my extended  family  is also grieving facing their own questions and mortality  too...  as I add ailments in my own life I wonder about mortality how long I will live? how long healthy? and will I burden my children? and what about Becca? what can I do to become more healthy and to be more prepared - I know it all sounds kinda selfish ==  and I wonder why grief brings about these thoughts instead of just dwelling on the fun  memories but I am coping and just miss my mom at times.......