Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Placate/ Obligation/ Love

I have often thought of the word placate as 'not so nice' but... I'll take placate! I often have told my DH that I understand when he couldn't be at some things, that he couldn't run home each and every time I was frazzled and wanted a break when the children were small, and I wish I could travel like you do for work....I did uderstand,most of the time. But I really wanted to hear the words "I wish I could be there" and,"I want to to come home, but I can't right now" or "I wish you were here" hearing the words is oft times all I need---- because in my heart I know he loves me.
Is this what some call common courtesy?
The same goes for my friends and extended family:siblings, children, parents --- if i just get a quick email, voice mail, note in the mail, or blog comment, I am happy:> I may still want more but I know they are ok. So when DH is out of town he says "I wish you were here" I know he means it but I also know he knows I need to hear that! Call me needy, I know,---
When my son called last night I knew it was probably out of obligation , because I know he is so busy, but it warmed my heart. When my other son comes by twice a week I know it is a scheduled visit, but I love it. I love that my DIL has a blog and we have almost daily short lines of communication-- I love that my sister comments daily too.
I don't want to have a hold on my loved ones, just a place in their hearts. If I am being a 'Everybody Loves Raymond Mom" please tell me!? my goal is to keep communication open-- not to loose track --
I need to be so much better myself-- I used to think of the word obligation as bad but I think maybe being an obligation is a deep love. I have a sister who learned this early in life, it seemed to take me a lot longer and I hope to do better w/ my communication w/all my family.


Denise said...

I just wanted to say that I so completely agree with you! Love this post and I love how heartfelt it is and how right on it is. I've been a bad blogger friend lately but I promise to do better. HUGS, Denise

PS you are not a ELRM!

Playful Professional said...

I agree...even just the little comments, emails, or a message on my answering machine makes a big difference. I need to hear the words not just know someone cares. That's a lesson your son is quickly learning... Thanks for all of your comments by the way. It's nice to know I'm not the only one reading what I write.

Rachel said...

I think that all of us have this need in our lifes. You are not alone. And you are for sure a very loved wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt... and my friend!

This is just another reason I love blogging so much... its such an easy way not only to remind yourself about things that you are thankful for or whats going on in your own life, but also to keep you in touch with others and the life that they are leading.

cat said...

You are just human.....and a lot of how we (not the royal "we", but the family M "we") are is due to the fact that we were not reassured(or even assured) at all growing up, so isn't it comforting to have each other, our spouses, kids and grandkids now!!!

I have a good life said...

What great thoughts. It is so true. I rarely want DH to do the dishes or come home early...I more just want him to say "Hey, can I help you with that?" or "If you need me I'll come home." 99 times out of 100 I will do just fine on my own...I just need to hear the words. How profound.

Regina said...

You are right to feel the way you do. We are only human and thus need, crave, want human interaction. Especially nowdays, life is so short and non of us promised tomorrow that every ounce of love means a lot.
Continue to share and receive love! Love is the greatest gift!

AnGlOpHiLe FoOtBaLl FaNaTiC said...

I think it is perfectly reasonable to want to be placated. And, I too, like the word. If your kids keep in contact, you've obviously done something wonderful along the way in raising them!

Shauna6pack said...

Hmmm... So call me sometime!

julie said...

Marcia, in this world of modern machines and technology, sometimes we wonder how come people are busier than ever. In a hurry? We have these things that make life and chores easier but it seems we don't have the time for other things.

But then, with your children dropping by, even if its a scheduled visit, or sending short notes, it just only means: You are loved. You are important. You are thought of.

Take care! :)

Everyday Yogini said...

"obligation is a deep love"

That reminds me of the relationship between the fox and the Little Prince. And I agree that we all need that fundamental connection. I love the way you write about it...

Your blog is great! Thanks for being here.